THE WEIRDO – STORY 3

Hello friends!

If all of you could have the least idea of what is really happening here…

It is getting out of control. Every single freaking day something super interesting-fascinating- amazing is happening to me.

I m not too sure if it is this place or maybe it is me who attracts the most unusual episodes, which make me wonder If I will ever go to the airport again.

Thanks to all of you for the interest shown on the red dress and its possible use. I will keep you well informed.

And now back to men, a recurrent subject like Tango, it seems.

If they only knew how much I am talking about them and the “pobrecitas mujeres” (the poor women), never the main characters of my stories. Shame!

If you have maternal breasts, an African bum (like I do), if you straighten your vertebra a bit and imagine you are carrying 5 kilos of books on your head, you are in for a compliment, ALLA GRANDE! (BIG TIME)

I find the whole thing amusing but at the same time embarrassing.

It wasn´t easy for me today to experience a bus driver, with a full audience at the back, hooting and smiling at me at a busy intersection, just like that, followed by 2 scooter drivers hooting and gesticulating at me, after a shop owner stuck his head out of the shop while I was passing by.

As my Texan friend used to say when she was flabbergasted with things:

GET-OUT-OF-TOWN!

The ironic thing in all this, is:

If I were actually a beautiful woman (in the real sense of it) these men would not even notice the difference, funny hey?

What bothers me though is when they are too forward and class collapses like a child after a day at the fun fair.

I need to let you know that I am a bit off Argentinean men, after today´s episode.

During a pouring but not boring day, this guy approached me in the rain.

Nothing wrong with that since the combo rain and men, made a few people fall in love in many movies.

I have spoken to so many guys in the last five days that one more cannot hurt, I thought.

I was getting shelter in one of the shop tent while buckets of water, coming down from the sky, made me wonder why God was so angry and why I refused to buy an umbrella.

The nationality and geographic questions popped out, as usual and I found myself going through my CV again, perfectly knowing I was not getting a promotion.

On the contrary, what I got was a big slimy and unexpected suggestion:

to go to my apartment for sex.

Just like that, as direct as a banana. I was shocked.

He took me completely off guard. I didn’t know what to say.

I wish I could say VAFFANCULO* to people. I never really said it to someone directly.

I love swearing, don’t get me wrong,  but more for fun than for solving problems.

The only words that came out my mouth were something like:

” it is not the way I do things” .

I thought his reaction to it was crazy.

Instead of respecting my point of view, he started doubting me and he asked if I ACTUALLY LIKE MEN.

Can you believe it?

As if the possibility of him not being my type was not an option. His ego must have been as big as a hot air balloon and, when he bumped into my rejection, his conviction of being a sex symbol left him flabbergasted

Out of this world!

OMG. I am going to have to take a big step back from now on.

If I want info, I will approach women first or I have to improve my interactions with weirdoes.

I really need to go to bed now. This day has been as rich as a fatty cheesecake with fresh cream on top.

……..1 day later…….

The Argentinean red dressed lingo learning globetrotter  – as my friend Lee is calling me nowadays – has woken up and already laughing at the comments received from you about the ” weirdo encounter in the rain”.

It’s a pity nobody was playing blues in the background to make it more ¨ Hollywood recipe gone wrong … cake flop (again quoted by Lee – you crack me up man!)

Anyway I was so knackered last night that I forgot to share part of my “Rain Man story”, which could almost forgive the dude.

Just before the unexpected encounter and proposal, I was busy finishing my “almuerzo”  `(lovely word to mean lunch) in one of those local bars, where locals really go.

On my way out, I paid a visit to the loo and I also paid attention to the formal sign by the sink, which says:

SOLICITAR PRESERVATIVOS EN CAJA        ASK FOR CONDOMS AT THE TELLER

I would have imagined it in a barrio (area) with lots of nocturnal affairs and clubs, where young crowds mingle under the full moon light and think tomorrow is too late to get satisfied.

I didn’t expect that note in a bar where office people or pensioners go for a reassuring lunch.

Maybe in the night, the street vibe changes but to see that sign in the day it was like seeing a strong red lipstick on a school teacher, who is secretly a pole dancer.

But then, after my encounter with the weirdo, it all added up. He was probably a vampire with jet leg.

Tomorrow it is DIA DEL TANGO but for me it is VOCABULARY DAY.

It has been too long. I seriously need to share the most hilarious and fascinating words I have learnt so far.

A la proxima, gringos!

I will leave you today with a quote by Oscar Wilde:

“ A man can be happy with any woman, as long as he does not love her”

Fede

 

FAIR – STORY 5

Buenos Dias people!

Once again thanks guys for being there for me and commenting on my trip.

Your participation keeps me company and keeps my writing going.

You don’t have to dream of Buenos Aires though like some of you did.

I know there is a bit of expectation about the TANGO DAY. I can only SAY that IT WENT OK.

The weather was not on my side or I would rather say it didn’t lead me to the Avenida de MAYO where the ecstatic crowd was celebrating.

I did though wear my lavish red dress and the new high heels shoes to honor “Carlos Bardel” for the day.

I even put make up on, sprayed a touch of my new  “BEACH by Bobby Brown” (Thanks Nicole for that), loosened my hair, (huge effort for a ponytail woman like me) borrowed a necklace and a matching bag from Pia, la Cantante (my wonderful housemate) and hit the road, feeling sexy and beautiful no matter where I was going.

It was only early afternoon and I once I arrived at Plaza Italia, I saw there was an “international Handicraft exhibition” happening for a few days only at the local Convention Centre and I got in, extremely curious to see what this country is up to when it comes to handcraft.

I thoroughly loved it!

Very different from our small attempts of internationalism we have n Cape Town.

Sorry Mother City but this one really ROCKS!

I saw terrific, extraordinary and divine fashion jewelry (one of my weaknesses in life and during this holiday) and unexpectedly lots of dolls in the shape of gnomes or fairy tale characters.

The most interesting material used at this Fair, which really impressed me for the versatility of its use, is FELT.

I “felt” in love with felt (excuse the pun!) and I know we use it in South African too but not at this level. Gorgeous clothing, necklaces, scarves, brooches.

O DIOS MIO (OMG) I am in Heaven!

Do you know that fairs here ONLY open at 3 pm but they stay open until 22h00? Interesting, hey? I am glad I am not an early bird as I arrived just 10 minutes before the opening.

Anyway, I had serious complications to get back home due to some major blisters developed on my feet (the worst part of buying new shoes, right?) and due the floods closing the tube station for half a day.

So weather plus pain equal no tango celebration in the square.

LO SIENTO CHICOS (I am sorry guys). I am sure I will have time to get involved in some Tango at some stage.

Did I tell you that I am not planning to go anywhere different from Buenos Aires?

I want to stay here. Every morning I wake up, I feel I can only handle this, a lot of this but just this.
The heat is helping me out too, to feel more casual, more relaxed and more local.

I will take a break from being a tourist and mingle softly and sweetly with the locals, for a change.

I will leave you today with a quote by Jorge Luis Borges:

” I have always imagined that Paradise will be a kind of library”

Fede

 

TANGO – STORY 30

Hola Life shareholders,

Shall we dance today? Shall we move towards the end of this journey with a step back and one forward and one back and talk about TANGO?

At the end of the day it was one of the reasons I chose this destination.

I wanted to see passionate women dancing with closed eyes and letting their partners move their bodies in a harmonious and voluptuous way, wearing the most remarkable shoes.

How many happy dancing feet I have seen so far!

Tango made me look down, and Recoleta cemetery up and they are both reminding me that beautiful things are not always straight in front of me.

Before you come to Argentina you just want to see TANGO but when you leave, you just want to remember the MILONGA because Tango is what tourists want and Milonga is what the locals do.

I love this word: MILONGA. It says so much. It means the music and the dance of Tango but also the venue where people go to dance it and there is even a name for the people doing that:

The MILONGUERS  (tango fanatics or Milonga goers) and, of course, I met a real one:

“Veronica, the Milonguera”. i.e. the cousin of Laura, la Eclettica who is one of my first contacts here.

Despite the fact I DO NOT like touristy things in general, I did accept to go to a “glitzy cena show” in Avenida Corrientes before going to a “Spartan Milonga dance” in San Telmo, to be able to see both sides of the “shoe”.

Both very emotional experiences indeed but as different as the Pope and I, starting with the approach to the public!

The first show, sold it to you as a “unique and real life experience” gives you the smell of a true tourist trap. Once you sit at the dinner table, the Theatre photographer approaches you, asking if you want to be the main character of a 90 pesos picture with professional tango dancers, whom are actors paid to pose for pictures and NOT to dance.

“No thanks, I rather use that money to buy me a burger if you don´t turn this French minimalist cuisine into an proper food”.

When I saw Paula Lima (a famous Brazilian singer and composer) in the audience with me, I wasn’t sure if she had good taste or if they paid her to be there to make us believe that we have good taste.

But the show at the TANGO PORTEÑO, when it eventually started, was pretty good!

My heart got involved and I left with a summary of colors, moves, looks, scenarios, shoes, lipsticks, fishnet stockings, pinstriped suits, tunes and a well done Argentinean beef in my stomach.

I recommend it to all the visitors but not as the ONLY Tango touch of your holiday.

You have to come here and ask the smiley Veronica to take you with her to mid-afternoon soirees in dusty tea salons or to raunchy late night bohemian affairs in San Telmo.

She will show you the real thing like she did with me, where dancers are accountants, police officers, housewives, Statistics teachers (like her) switching off from the ordinary life, for few hours per week.

An alternative approach to life indeed!

You will hear it all…. how the rules of the Milonga work.

Here is what I have found out and would like to share it with you:

– The invitation to dance comes from a man, who will nod towards the woman whom he wishes to partner.
She signals her acceptance of the offer with an equally subtle gesture. Only then, the man will approach the table.

– Once on the dance floor, the couple waits 8 “compasses” or bars and then begins to dance, circulating in a counter clockwise direction around the floor.

– The woman follows the man´s lead by responding to signs, given by him to indicate the move he wishes her to make. The more competent she is (and Veronica is!) the greater number of personal touches she will add ( like lifting the foot with a “kick” which will be my top move to remember in my possible restless nights).

– The couple will normally dance until the end of a set which last for four of five melodies.

– All milongas end with a “cumparsita”, a famous and recognizable tango song, commonly played for the last dance of the evening.

– If couples, in real life, go dancing together, they will never split during the evening. To ask a woman who is accompanied by her man, to dance, is considered as rude or “CAFONE” as we would say in Italian, to describe this attitude.

If a woman wants to take up tango to meet a man, she will.

She will dress up to kill and have to turn down first multiple invitations from cheesy-slimy-dodgy characters on the dance floor and eventually and miraculously meet the right candidate for the evening, hoping he doesn’t wear his cell phone on the little pouch on his belt.

GUYS, THIS VIEW KILLS ME.IT IS INDEED ONE OF THE MOST OFF PUTTING THINGS A MAN CAN DO TO ME EVER!.

On the other hand, if a woman is serious about the tango, she will probably have more than 2 pairs of tango shoes, one for the practice and one or two for the “mise en place” of the practice, as the French would say or for “milonguear” as the Argentineans would say.

I will leave you today with what Jorge Luis Borges once said about this….

” The tango is a direct expression of something that poets have often tried to state in words: the belief that a fight may be a celebration”.

A kiss from Federica, the woman, who wants to make words dance.